Flirting With Disaster
by Nat Roze
Summary: In which Kamijou Touma is the unlucky object of affection of two Level Five tsunderes and gets himself inadvertantly kidnapped, Accelerator and Misaka Mikoto are forced to team up in order to rescue him and nearly kill each other in the process because they both want him, and eventually end up working together to save Touma, the day, and also themselves. Accel/Touma vs Mikoto/Touma
1. Prologue

Wow I have not written fanfic in a really long time

like a REALLY long time and I have unfinished fics I haven't worked on in months I am such a terrible person why do I keep fandom-hopping

Also wow there is a significant deficit of Raildex fic and especially Touma/Accelerator fic there is like... three of those. That makes me sadder because I actually ship that semi-seriously as opposed to the way I'm under the impression the rest of the fandom ships it, which is semi-ironically to entirely ironically.

warning: this fic will at various points in time include the following: massive amounts of swearing, sex jokes, M/F, M/M and possibly F/F implications if Kuroko shows up, violence (not graphic violence, but descriptive nonetheless)

chapter specific warnings: Accelerator's frequent use of foul language

rant rant rant shut up Nat get on with the fic

* * *

**Prologue**

Mornings, Accelerator decides, are meant to be loud and invasive. They are meant to be spent yelling at Worst to give him the last fucking chair, and no, she does not need it to put her feet up on. They are meant to include him combing cereal out of his hair because Last Order learned what a food fight was the day before and decided they needed to have one _right now_. They are meant to set off the fire alarm when he realizes he left toast in the toaster too long while he was distracted. Mornings, he thinks, are not supposed to be spent trying to find Kamijou Touma's dorm in the freezing cold. Not at all.

_Never_.

This is a shitty morning. Also a frigid one. Accelerator tries to zip up his jacket, and groans angrily when he realizes it's already zipped and it's seriously that fucking cold out. He jams his free hand in his pocket and tightens his grip on his cane, wishing he had a pair of gloves.

Maybe he can borrow a pair from Kamijou when he _finds his goddamn dorm_.

If he's being perfectly honest with himself, Accelerator does not _need_ to be out at nine in the morning on a Sunday looking for Kamijou Touma. He could be back at Yomikawa's, still asleep and probably with Last Order using him as a pillow. He could be out for breakfast and enjoying a cup of hot tea and reheated frozen pancakes. Instead he's freezing his ass off looking for someone he increasingly wants to punch in the gut.

After a while, Accelerator finds his way back to Kamijou's dorm. Racking his brains to remember what floor and room number he should be heading for, he makes his way up the stairs and turns down a hallway.

_It should be just around the corner,_ he thinks, and turns the corner.

And there, standing outside the door Accelerator is about to knock on, is a certain Level Five Electromaster, rubbing her hands together to try and warm up.

_As if this morning couldn't get any fucking worse,_ Accelerator thinks. Regardless, he walks up and, ignoring Misaka Mikoto, he knocks on the door to Kamijou's dorm.

"Hey, what the hell?" Mikoto snaps. Accelerator sighs and tilts his head to glance at her.

"Out of curiosity," he says, "Why are you here?"

Mikoto stares at him like he's just asked her if she'd like to eat a live fish. Her mouth hangs open in disbelief.

"Close that before you catch flies," Accelerator advises, and since Kamijou hasn't shown himself yet, he knocks on the door a second time.

Mikoto recovers her wits and says loudly, "Why am _I _here? Why the heck are _you_ here?"

"I have business."

"What kind of business?"

"None of yours."

"Well, ex_cuse_ me. I happen to have 'business' with this jerk too," Mikoto informs him. Maybe it's because it's cold out, but her cheeks look particularly rosy. Accelerator feels a strong desire to casually tip Mikoto over the railing behind them, and unusually it's not because of her involvement in the Level Six Shift.

It dawns on both Accelerator and Mikoto, after a moment, that while they were talking, Kamijou Touma has once again failed to answer the door. They look at each other, somewhat apprehensively.

"Maybe he's still asleep," suggests Mikoto.

"Even so."

Mikoto shrugs and knocks on the door. The two of them stand there awkwardly, somehow having silently come to terms with the fact that both of them are there and neither of them is leaving.

"He's not answering," Accelerator says impatiently. "Why is nobody answering?"

"I'd have thought Index-san would've heard the door if he didn't," Mikoto adds.

"Knock again."

Mikoto knocks again, loudly.

"Why do you need to see him anyway?" she asks, crossing her arms. She refuses to look at him, as if the fact that he's there along with her is some sort of affront to her existence.

"Remember that part where I told you it was none of your goddamn business?"

"Because if you could get it over with quickly and leave us alone, that'd be great."

"And exactly why does your business take precedence over mine?"

"Because, well… it just _does_, okay?"

"Middle schoolers. I will never understand you."

"Why is he not answering the door?" Mikoto screams suddenly, throwing her hands up in frustration.

"Let's find out," Accelerator suggests, and tries turning the knob.

"It's probably locked," Mikoto says. "And there's totally no way I'll let you pick his lock, okay?"

The door clicks open. Accelerator smirks. "You were saying?"

"We're just gonna barge into his dorm?"

"Pretty much." Accelerator pushes the door open and steps inside. The lights are off. The doors to the balcony are open and the curtains flutter lightly in the wind. The covers on the bed are pushed back and the television is on.

The glass from the window is smashed in. There are broken dishes scattered around the room.

Index is unconscious on the floor, and Kamijou Touma is nowhere to be seen.

* * *

Review if you like.

Maybe I'll draw some pictures to go with this later I don't know.


	2. Chapter 1

Would ya look at that I'm actually continuing a fic for once. It's a miracle.

I guess I forgot to say when this is set. Seeing as I haven't read New Testament #4 yet, I have no idea what happens after the incident in Hawaii, so I guess you can go ahead and assume that this happens sometime after that does.

Warnings: Swearing, eventual violence, M/M, M/F, implied F/F

Chapter-specific warnings: swearing, Kuroko

Enjoy :)

* * *

**Chapter 1: In Which Tsuchimikado Needs To Put On A Shirt and Kuroko Is Just A Bit Overprotective**

**(Accelerator)**

"Well, this is a minor inconvenience," Accelerator mutters to himself, opting out of removing his shoes as he enters so as not to step on broken glass. Mikoto follows him in and gingerly closes the door behind them like it makes some kind of a difference whether or not she does.

"A _minor inconvenience_? What the heck is your problem?" Mikoto snaps.

"At the moment, it's that you don't seem to understand sarcasm," Accelerator says. He surveys the room. Two broken plates and one broken cup. Television's still on and tuned to the news channel. "They were probably eating dinner when this happened," he guesses.

Mikoto nudges the unconscious Index with her toe, and then bends down to check her pulse. "She's alive," she says.

"Take her to the hospital," Accelerator says, crossing the room to inspect the balcony. The glass has been broken from the outside, which means whoever was here wasn't too bothered about stealth. _Then again_, thinks Accelerator, _considering Kamijou Touma's lifestyle, his neighbors would probably hear some sort of fight or uproar and consider it perfectly normal, so stealth wouldn't even be an issue._

"You expect me to _carry _her all that way?" Mikoto complains. "Heck no. You do it."

Accelerator looks at her in disbelief and points over-exaggeratedly at his cane. "You think I'd have any easier a time with it?"

"Then call an ambulance!"

"I left my phone at home."

"Well, mine's out of batteries," Mikoto says.

"Use Kamijou's," Accelerator suggests, looking around to see if Kamijou has left his phone behind. He doesn't think he would, if he's going after whoever attacked his… what, roommate? Kid sister? Friend? Exactly what kind of relationship does Kamijou have with a _nun_?

"Found it," Mikoto announces. "Hey, he's got a voicemail." She presses a button on the phone and then holds it up to her ear.

"You're going to eavesdrop on his messages?"

"You broke into his dorm," Mikoto reminds him. Accelerator shrugs; she has a point.

Mikoto is silent while she listens to the message, and Accelerator pokes around the room a little more. Why would someone break into Kamijou's apartment, attack his nun, and then leave with Kamijou likely in hot pursuit? Maybe it was an assassination attempt, someone trying to destroy the Index Librorum Prohibitorum. Maybe the target was Kamijou and Index just happened to be in the way. Maybe-

"Oh my god," Mikoto gasps. Avoiding the broken glass, she walks hurriedly across the room and shoves the phone at Accelerator. "Oh my god, listen to this." She sounds frantic, nervous.

"This better be good," he mutters, pressing the call button and holding Kamijou's phone up to his ear.

"Hiya, Kami-yan!"

It's Tsuchimikado Motoharu's voice. Accelerator cringes.

"Hey, I was just callin' to make sure you ain't dead or anythin'. See, I heard the window break and I figured, well, that's just Kami-yan. But then Index-chan screamed, and I heard a lot of shoutin', so I went out on the porch to see if I could see into your room. But by that time I guess whatever was goin' on was over, and you weren't there. Oh, and I saw some really shady dude with a body or something slung over his shoulder makin' tracks down the street. Looked real suspicious-like, kinda like he was kidnapping someone."

Accelerator pinches the bridge of his nose and takes a deep, frustrated breath.

"Anyway, just checkin' in to make sure you didn't get kidnapped or nothin'," Tsuchimikado teases. "Seeya in class, bro." There's a click, and the message ends.

"You must be kidding," Accelerator says. "This is fucking ridiculous."

"He's been kidnapped, hasn't he?" Mikoto yells.

"Calm down, screaming won't help anything!" Accelerator retaliates. "Maybe. We don't know for sure. In any case, we should question that bastard Tsuchimikado and find out if there's anything he didn't feel the need to put in this message."

"You call him a bastard like you know him or something," says Mikoto.

"It's an unfortunate position to be in, but yeah, I do. Come on, he lives next door."

"What do you mean, come on?"

"I mean _come with me _and help interrogate this asshole."

"Like… _work together?_" Mikoto says, making a face like she's just smelled burning garbage. "With _you_?"

"It sucks, but think about it this way," Accelerator explains, "If Kamijou's been compromised, it could very well take a lot more than just me or just you to deal with the fucker that did it. If we cooperate, no matter how grudgingly we do it, it'll be to everyone's benefit."

Mikoto sighs. "Man, I hate it when I have to agree with people who piss me off."

Tsuchimikado is awakened by the doorbell, and both Accelerator and Mikoto cover their eyes and grimace when he answers the door in his boxers.

"Put something on, you freak," Mikoto says.

"Hurry, before you blind me," Accelerator adds.

"Screw you, nya," says Tsuchimikado. "What are you even doin' here?"

"Well, _I _had something important to ask of your stupid neighbor," Mikoto says. "Whereas _this_ lunatic was-"

"Planning on doing the exact same thing," Accelerator interrupts. Mikoto turns six shades of red and starts stuttering at him.

"Like HELL you were here for the same reason I am!" she shouts. Tsuchimikado raises an eyebrow at her. It occurs to Accelerator that he's still wearing his goddamn sunglasses.

"We're both here to talk to Kamijou, aren't we?" he says.

"Yeah, but there's no way in hell you were planning on saying the same thing to him that I was!"

"And what, pray tell, would that be?"

"None of your business!"

"That sounds like exactly what I told you _my_ business with that ass hole was."

"Hey," interrupts Tsuchimikado, "Didja guys wake me up for a legit reason or somethin'? 'Cause if ya didn't, I'm going back to sleep."

"No, wait, dammit," Accelerator snaps. "Kamijou Touma is missing and his pet nun is unconscious next door."

"Oh, I forgot to call the ambulance!" Mikoto remembers. Accelerator resists the urge to facepalm.

"Then do it _now_, you cretin! Leave the interrogation to me; I can more than handle Tsuchimikado on my own."

"That sounds dirty, Accel-chan," Tsuchimikado teases. "Too bad I'm not into that."

"Stuff it, you shitty bastard. Tell me everything you observed yesterday night about the break-in next door."

"You said Kami-yan's missing, didn't you?" Tsuchimikado notes, sobering up a bit. "You think he went after whoever broke in, nya?"

Accelerator shrugs. "I thought as much until Railgun over there-" he gestures to Mikoto, who's busy giving the ambulance Kamijou's address, "decided to check Kamijou's voicemail for him and we heard you talking about someone shady carrying away a fucking body."

"Oh, that?" Tsuchimikado laughs. "I don't think that's anything to worry about."

"Why not?"

"Well, who the hell would wanna kidnap Kami-yan?" he wonders. "Wait, shit, lots of people would. Dammit, you think someone kidnapped him?"

"Until someone coughs up a ransom note, who knows?" Accelerator sighs. Mikoto wanders back over and inserts herself into the conversation.

"Ambulance is on its way. If you want, I can pay them to shut up about this and not call Anti-Skill, and I can deal with Judgment myself, get them off our case," she says.

"Just deal with Judgment _quietly_ and we got a deal, brat," Accelerator says.

"I don't think we're thinking of dealing with them in the same way," Mikoto mutters.

"Anyway, Tsuchimikado," Accelerator continues, "I want you to keep an eye on shit over here once we're done. Check Kamijou's mail and text me if someone sends a ransom note. Also text me if Kamijou comes back."

"Text me if he comes back too," Mikoto requests, scribbling her phone number down on a scrap of paper for Tsuchimikado.

"Remind me who y'are again?" Tsuchimikado asks. "And why I should care about you?"

"Screw you."

"Go wait for the ambulance, brat," Accelerator says, pointing Mikoto back towards Kamijou's apartment.

"You come too, this is half your responsibility!" she insists.

"This blows."

"I'm going back to sleep now," Tsuchimikado announces from his doorway as they leave.

"Nobody cares," Accelerator says.

"Fuck you too." The door closes behind him and Accelerator and Mikoto, not exactly knowing what to do at this point, each sit down on either side of the door to Kamijou's apartment. They cease acknowledging each other's presence.

Accelerator crosses his arms and runs through a mental list of people stupid, desperate, or actually powerful enough to kidnap Kamijou Touma.

It's not a very long list.

And half of the people on it are imprisoned, dead, or Accelerator himself (and even then, Kamijou would fight back).

The ambulance shows up with Judgment quite literally on its tail, since the officers teleported themselves in. A pair of paramedics shuffles hurriedly into Kamijou's apartment and then shuffles hurriedly back out with Index on a stretcher (protocol only, they insist, she's not actually that badly injured). The Judgment officers appear at the end of the hall as the paramedics leave with Index, one with five hundred flowers attached to her head and wearing a sailor fuku, and the other with her hair up in ponytails, dressed in a school uniform matching Mikoto's.

"Let me handle this," Mikoto whispers, and then the ponytailed girl in the Tokiwadai uniform teleports directly in front of her and tackle-hugs her.

"Onee-sama!"

"Jeez, Kuroko!" Mikoto attempts to wrestle the Judgment girl (Kuroko, Accelerator presumes) off of herself. Kuroko is rubbing her face into Mikoto's chest. "You are doing serious work, so be freakin' serious about it!"

Kuroko releases Mikoto and straightens her skirt out. "You're right," she sighs. "Besides, we'll have plenty of time for romance later."

"Kuroko…" Mikoto growls.

"Right, now could you tell me the nature of the incident being reported here?" says Kuroko, suddenly very serious.

Accelerator notices Mikoto glance out of the corner of her eye to watch the ambulance leave. As soon as it's pulled around the corner, he catches a sincerely evil-looking glint in her eye. _That can't be good_, he thinks.

"Well, the truth is," Mikoto begins, and Accelerator has to keep from snickering again because she's cranked up the moe cuteness and is talking in a sweet-sounding, innocent voice that is totally not befitting of her character.

"The truth is…?" Kuroko prompts. Her floral associate pulls out a pad of paper to take notes on the testimony.

"The truth is, I came here to see my _great friend_ Kamijou Touma-"

"Oh, _him_?" Kuroko groans. Accelerator wonders if she sees Kamijou as some kind of rival for Mikoto's love.

"Yes, and you know how close we are. But when I got here, he was gone, and _this meanie_ was here!" Mikoto points accusingly at Accelerator, who until that point had gone entirely unnoticed by either Judgment officer. "And he was absolutely horrible to me! He's always horrible to me! He tried to kill me once, you know."

Accelerator decides he is going to try again relatively soon, and then he happens to glance at Kuroko.

She is staring at him.

More specifically, she is staring at him with wide, dilated eyes and a far-too-innocent-to-really-be-innocent smile splitting her face.

"Excuse me," she says, coyly, politely. "Exactly what have you done to harm my darling Onee-sama? Answer me swiftly and your death will be swifter." She takes a step closer to Accelerator, and suddenly there are needles in her hands.

Mikoto leans over towards him. "Start running," she whispers.

"I'll only repeat myself once," Kuroko says, gritting her teeth. "What. Did you do. To _my_ Onee-sama?"

Accelerator flips the switch on his choker and jumps off the balcony, landing lightly thanks to a high-speed vector shift.

He briefly debates killing Kuroko before reminding himself that she's with Judgment. Also she appears to somehow be a friend (of sorts) of Mikoto's, and the last thing he needs is her to be angrier with him. He decides to put siccing an angry teleporting lesbian yandere after him as part of the revenge Misaka Mikoto probably owes him, tells himself he'll get her back for it later, and takes off down the street with Kuroko in hot pursuit.

He hopes he doesn't run out of batteries before she catches up.

Back in the hallway outside Kamijou Touma's dorm, Mikoto takes care of the rest of Judgment.

"Hey, Uiharu-san," she says. "Wanna go get something warm to drink? On me."

"Sure," says Uiharu. "If you don't mind me asking, who was that boy just now?"

"The one Kuroko's chasing?"

"Yes."

"Why do you want to know?"

"I think he saved my life once. You know, that time I was trying to help a little girl who looked like your sister, and this jerk assaulted me? Remember that? I think that boy was the one who stopped him."

Mikoto laughs. "Him? Save someone? Not in a million years."

Six miles and several city streets away, Accelerator has the feeling that someone is talking about him behind his back.

He dismisses it almost immediately though, because Kuroko has yet to give up and has just shot another bout of needles at him.

_This is _such_ a shitty morning,_ Accelerator thinks. _I blame Kamijou._

* * *

for some reason I don't find this chapter to be nearly as funny as I wanted it to be... I'll have to fix that in the next one

review if you'd like to

-NatRoze


	3. Chapter 2

****Wow hey I'm back!

Slightly shorter chapter because it felt right to end this one where I did. I'm pretty sure I know where the story's going at this point, which is a new one for me with fanfic. Usually I just sorta wing it and stick things in because they're funny and they work. This one might actually have a real plot or something!

Chapter-specific warnings: Language, stalkers.

Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 2: In Which Mikoto Overthinks a Lot of Things and Shokuhou Misaki Gets Some Disturbing Text Messages**

**(Mikoto)**

Mikoto doesn't hear anything from Touma's weird neighbor for the rest of the day.

She also doesn't hear anything on the news about a certain Level Five psycho being found dead in a back alley, riddled with needles, and Kuroko returns to the dorms pouting, and announces that "the scoundrel got away before Onee-sama's honor could be avenged."

Mikoto does not sleep, because when she closes her eyes, she sees pictures in the back of her mind of Kamijou Touma tied to a chair, with a knife to his neck, with a bloody nose, and even though she knows that's highly unlikely to be happening it still hurts that she can't do anything.

The next morning is Monday, so Mikoto dons her uniform and brushes her teeth and goes to class. The morning passes silently. Mikoto keeps checking her phone for texts from Touma's neighbor. There never are any. She hopes he didn't toss out her phone number the second she'd left. She wonders if she should've given Accelerator her phone number too, and then shudders and dismisses the thought as the stupidest thing that's ever crossed her mind. The last thing she needs is to have any kind of connection to that freak. It's bad enough that he suggested working together to save Touma.

Mikoto isn't having _any_ of it.

There has to be a catch. There has to be _some kind_ of a catch. She hates Accelerator for killing thousands of the SISTERs. He hates her right back for being indirectly responsible for their creation in the first place. Hate hate hate all over the place, they could go on a horrible hate-date if they really wanted to, and order nasty food for each other and tip the candle on the table into each other's drinks, and afterwards they could find a nice, quiet back alley to try and kill each other in.

And on top of that, he sucks time away from Touma. Tons of time that Touma could be spending with her, but instead he's off _fighting magicians_ with Accelerator and that other guy who looks like a thug.

Of all the days for her to pick to finally have gotten up the courage to tell Kamijou Touma that she didn't… hate… him… as much as she used to, which isn't of course to say _love, _who said anything about love, ha ha ha, no, but not hate either, but it's not like she _loves_ him or anything- of _all_ the days she could have possibly chosen to confess this to Touma, Accelerator just _had_ to show up and encroach. It's not like that jerk had something quite that important to tell Touma, after all. What could he have possibly needed from him at that hour of the morning?

_Maybe they were going to kill more stupid magicians,_ Mikoto thinks.

It also hadn't helped at all that Touma hadn't been there when she'd decided to tell him. Not like he'd up and vacated the premises or something, oh no. Not like he'd been potentially freakin' _kidnapped_ or anything.

Seriously.

At lunch is when the proverbial shit hits the proverbial fan and Shokuhou Misaki all but corners Mikoto on her way to the cafeteria. Mikoto debates the option of electrocuting her on the spot as revenge for mind-wiping her friends during the Daihaseisai, but she changes her mind after a few seconds.

The reason she changes her mind is because Shokuhou Misaki looks like she's about to cry. Her knees are shaking. Her lower lip is trembling. Her knuckles are white.

"I know where your boyfriend is," she says, trembling.

"He's not my boyfriend!" Mikoto squeaks, on principle. "Wait, what did you say?"

"I know where Kamijou Touma's been taken."

...

The empty classroom that Mikoto and Shokuhou Misaki decide to use for their conversation is far enough away from the cafeteria that nobody will walk in on them. Mikoto won't sit down. Shokuhou is leaning on the edge of the teacher's desk. She won't look at Mikoto. She's pretending to smile. It looks painful.

"Explain everything," Mikoto says. Shokuhou nods tightly.

"I was contacted late last night on my cell phone. The call came from a blocked number and I didn't recognize the speaker. They told me they knew where I was and had been tracking me invisibly without my knowledge for the past week, and they had me surrounded right now," she says. "And that if I didn't do exactly what they asked, they'd kill me. They said they were armed with this thing that blocks out Esper powers, something like Capacity Down or something."

"I've heard of it," Mikoto says, nodding. More than heard of it. It's not something she particularly wants to encounter again.

"And so the person on the phone told me to control a random, uninvolved person to kidnap Kamijou Touma-"

"So he _has_ been kidnapped!"

"He has. Control someone, kidnap Kamijou Touma, and take him to the drop-off point. I followed the man I used after he kidnapped Kamijou, all the way to the drop-off, and when I got there these two terrified-looking Anti-Skill members put him in the back of a van and drove away. They were headed for the south side of the city."

"Do you know where they went?" Mikoto asks.

"No, but I got the license plate number," Shokuhou says. "Here." She passes Mikoto a slip of paper with a series of letters and numbers. Mikoto stuffs it into her pocket.

"Why are you telling me this anyway?" Mikoto asks. "I thought you couldn't stand me."

"I'm telling you because I need your help," Shokuhou whispers.

"With what?"

"They're still here."

"Huh?"

"They can't hear us, but they're still watching me, right now. And I can't find them. I don't know where they are, but I keep getting texts from the undisclosed number that says they're still watching me."

"How do you know for sure?" Mikoto says, leaning up against the teacher's desk next to Shokuhou. She fakes a smile, since she knows she's being watched.

"The undisclosed number keeps telling me where I am. And what I'm doing. And it's always right. This morning it texted me the color of the bra I'm wearing!" Shokuhou's fake smile wavers. Mikoto notices tears in the corners of her eyes.

"I'll get them off your back," she says softly. "But just because of the information you gave me. Don't think for a second that this makes us friends."

Shokuhou nods.

"Can I see your phone?" Mikoto asks, holding out her hand. Shokuhou nods and silently hands it over. "I can trace the number through the network with my electricity. This shouldn't take too long."

Mikoto turns on the phone, and as she's about to set to work Shokuhou receives a text message from the undisclosed number. She opens the text, aiming to start from there and work her way through the network.

When she reads the text, she drops the phone in shock and covers her mouth to keep from gasping.

The text reads: _Pink Gekota panties today, Misaka-san._

The phone buzzes again as it receives a second message. Mikoto scrambles to pick it up.

"What is it?" Shokuhou asks. Mikoto bites her lip as she reads through the text. "What does it say now?"

"It says," Mikoto whispers, "that you shouldn't have told me. And that they're coming tonight to eliminate you as a liability."

"Excuse me?"

"They're gonna kill you, Shokuhou-san. Tonight."

* * *

Review if you'd like to. Next chapter will be Accelerator again. I'm gonna switch off whose POV I narrate around each chapter. I'll try and make the chapters longer from here too.


	4. Chapter 3

Hey, look. I'm still here. I'm not done yet. College apps are kinda kicking my butt, so these chapters might come a little slower than I'd like them to. Sorry.

IMPORTANT: I'm not sure if an email got sent out for the previous chapter since I didn't get one myself, so If you haven't read the chapter before this, which is from Misaka's point of view, you might wanna go do that first. It's plot-relevant.

Chapter-specific warnings: Language, M/M implications, F/F implications, implied violence

Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 3: In Which Accelerator and Misaka Rekindle Their Desire To Blow Each Other's Brains Out**

**(Accelerator)**

After ditching Kuroko, Accelerator returns to Yomikawa's apartment and takes a very hot shower to try and shake the cold off. It sort of works, and when he's done he puts on an extra shirt to stay warm. He makes himself toast and carries it with him as he leaves like an anime girl on the way to school.

(He finishes the toast in a single bite once he realizes this. The strongest Level Five in the city is not going to be seen running around with toast in his mouth like an anime girl, no sir.)

Accelerator wanders around the city, thinking. He goes back over the list of people both stupid and also strong enough to kidnap Kamijou Touma. The only people left on the list besides himself are whoever the hell's in charge of GREMLIN (who's presumably never met Kamijou), Fiamma of the Right (probably dead and in any case he's learned his lesson), Aleister (but he never leaves his building and he'd hire someone else to do it anyway) and Kakine Teitoku (except he's quite literally on ice right now, courtesy of Accelerator himself).

Accelerator briefly debates the possibility that Kamijou's returned to his apartment very confused and looking for his nun. He throws this out when he realizes Kamijou would've just asked Tsuchimikado, and Tsuchimikado would've explained everything.

Accelerator texts Tsuchimikado from outside a convenience store anyway. He enters, buys three cans of coffee for the day, and finds himself a nice wall to sit on.

His phone buzzes and he digs it out of his pocket. It's Tsuchimikado, returning his text.

_You got a lead?_ He asks.

**No. You?** Replies Accelerator.

_No. But Misaka Mikoto and some hot blonde Tokiwadai babe are sitting outside Kami-yan's dorm right now. I think they're waiting for you._

**Fuck my life.**

_LOL._

**Fuck you too.**

Accelerator heaves himself grudgingly into a standing position. He wonders if Misaka is going to sic a second crazy Tokiwadai girl on him and plots to send her to visit Index in the hospital the hard way. On the way back to Kamijou's, he pops open a can of coffee to drink and nearly has a rage-induced fit because the coffee has frozen solid inside the can.

Upon arriving at Kamijou's apartment, Accelerator is vaguely surprised to see that the "hot blonde Tokiwadai babe" is in fact Shokuou Misaki, the fifth-strongest Level Five. She and Misaka are sitting next to each other on Kamijou's doorstep, looking opposite directions. Misaka is texting. Shokuhou is playing with her hair.

"What the fuck is going on here?" Accelerator asks. Misaka looks up at him.

"Got a lead," she says, and nudges Shokuhou.

Shokuhou takes one look at Accelerator and gosh, he can practically feel the blood drain out of her face in shock.

"Yeah, yeah, bask in the glory that is Accelerator," he sneers. "What the fuck is this lead?"

"You got one?" says Tsuchimikado, poking his head out the door of his apartment. "Care to inform me?"

Misaka sighs and stands up. "Maybe we should go inside or something," she suggests.

...

They go inside. Shokuhou explains. Misaka helps. Tsuchimikado makes an off-color comment and gets slapped.

Accelerator flips a table.

...

It is seven in the evening when Accelerator and Misaka meet back up outside school gardens. Tsuchimikado has been left at home for sanity's sake. The two level fives are aiming to wait it out in Shokuhou's dorm room and apprehend whoever comes to kill her tonight.

So far the plan's been pretty solid. The only problem is Kuroko.

"I will absolutely not assist you in such illicit activites!"

Her voice is nearing a range inaudible by human ears.

"As a member of Judgment I absolutely cannot condone this!"

She's going to start attracting dogs.

"Besides that fact, Onee-sama, why do you continue to associate with this miscreant?!"

"Fuck you too," says Accelerator.

"I refuse."

"Kuroko, please!" Misaka pleads. "Just teleport the two of us into Shokuhou Misaki's room so we don't have to sneak by the dorm supervisor."

"Aside from that, you are aware of my opinions of Shokuhou Misaki," Kuroko continues. "Did you really think I would purposefully allow my darling Onee-sama into danger with an untrustworthy Level Five and this random creep?"

Misaka opens her mouth to rebut this and pauses. "Wait," she says. "Which one's the untrustworthy Level Five and which one's the random creep?"

Kuroko blinks.

Accelerator stifles a laugh.

"He's also a Level Five?" she wonders. "Doesn't look it. Undernourished and incapacitated."

"Did you forget the part where I easily didn't get killed by you this morning?" Accelerator snaps.

"Quit it, both of you!" Misaka shouts. "Kuroko, teleport us inside and I promise I'll make it up somehow, okay? I will owe you so big for this, I swear."

In the darkness, Accelerator sees Kuroko's eyes twinkle and her mouth split into a scary grin. He unconsciously takes a step back from her.

"You have a deal, my lovely sweet Onee-sama," Kuroko coos. She takes Misaka by the hand, grabs Accelerator by the ear (and twists it, the little bitch), and suddenly they're inside the Tokiwadai dorms, in the hallway outside Shokuhou's room.

"Thanks a ton, Kuroko," Misaka says. Kuroko hugs her and pretends everything is rainbows and unicorns as she says goodbye, and then she teleports away.

Accelerator and Misaka look at each other briefly before simultaneously saying, "You knock."

"No, you," says Misaka.

"It's your dorm," Accelerator insists, keeping his voice low in case any girls are paying excessive amounts of attention.

"I live in a different one."

"Does it look like I give a damn?"

"If you don't give a damn, then knock."

Accelerator knocks.

The door creaks open. Shokuhou peers out, and then opens it all the way to let the pair of them in. As soon as they've crossed the threshold, she closes it quickly and locks it behind them.

"Where's your roommate?" Misaka asks.

"She's staying with another friend for the night," Shokuhou explains. "I didn't want to get anyone else involved if I didn't have to."

"Good," says Accelerator. "There are already too many people in here."

"I'll take the door," says Misaka, ignoring him. "You take the window, asshole."

"I have a name," Accelerator says.

"That's news to me." Misaka sticks out her tongue at him. "Anyway, Shokuhou-san. You can sleep if you like, or if you have homework you could get that done."

"If you don't mind, I think I'll take a short shower before going to bed," Shokuhou says. She stares hard at Accelerator, who's perched on the windowsill. "Don't come near the door."

Accelerator almost laughs.

Shokuhou Misaki is in the shower for the next hour and a half.

"Is this all girls' definitions of _short_?" Accelerator wonders aloud about halfway into this.

"No," Misaka says. "Kuroko can be in there for like, three hours sometimes."

"That's a waste of water. And time."

"Says you."

"Please don't tell me how long you spend in the shower."

"Ew, why would I?"

"Thank you."

"God, this is boring. Shoulda brought a book," Misaka sighs. "Hey, why did you need to see him anyway?"

"Huh?"

"You know," Misaka says, looking anywhere but at Accelerator. "Kamijou Touma. Why did you want to see him anyway?"

"Huh, I could've sworn I told you already," says Accelerator.

"You did?"

"Yeah, I said it was none of your business, brat."

"No, seriously. Were you guys hunting witches again?"

"Magicians. And no. Why don't you tell me why _you_ wanted to see Kamijou."

"Why would I do that?"

"You're bored. We're making conversation."

"I don't wanna talk to you."

"Talk to Shokuhou through the door then. I couldn't care less."

"Heck no."

"There you have it then."

Misaka sighs overdramatically. Accelerator supposes she's keeping the information from him because she thinks it's pissing him off. Now that he's being dismissive, she'll tell him voluntarily.

"Why don't we both say it at the same time?" Misaka suggests. "We'll both say the thing we wanted to talk to him about simultaneously."

"That's stupid."

"You wanted to know."

"Pathetic." Little girls. Teenage girls. Women. All of them, confusing and silly and whimsical, with stuff like this. He swears he'll never be able to understand it.

"Are we gonna do it or not?"

"Fine, Christ, if it'll make you less obnoxious."

"Okay, on the count of three – three, two, one!"

They said it. They froze. They stared at each other. Misaka's jaw dropped. Accelerator's eye twitched.

And then, simultaneously, they both said, "_What do you mean, you like him too?"_

Realizing they'd said it at the same time, Misaka slapped her hands over her mouth and Accelerator face-palmed. They glared at each other across the room.

"Of course, you realize he's mine, right?" Misaka says.

"Like hell," Accelerator snaps.

"But you're both boys!"

"Immaterial. And you're underage."

"That doesn't matter!"

"In any case, I'll kill you if you get in my way, Misaka Mikoto."

"Likewise, freak! Like hell I'll let you have him!"

"Like hell he'd ever want you."

"You're dead, mister!"

"Good luck with that," Accelerator said, laughing, as Misaka began crackling with electricity.

At that moment, the shower turned off and both Accelerator and Misaka froze. Misaka put a finger to her lips and whispered _shhhhh_. Accelerator nodded his agreement. He retreated to the windowsill. Misaka returned to leaning up against the door.

Shokuhou Misaki stepped out of the bathroom in her pajamas and her hair up in a towel, and then six figures burst through the ceiling panels and pointed guns at everyone in the room.

* * *

Reviews will be fed into a quantum transducer and used to generate plot.

Also, I apologize for Shokuhou Misaki being likely out of character because so far all she's been in the Railgun manga is a creepy manipulative fucker and it's hard to extrapolate an actual personality from that.

Cheers,

NatRoze


	5. Chapter 4

This chapter is too short and I'm not happy with that, but I just spent the last 2 months applying early decision to college so this'll have to do for the next few weeks.

Chapter-specific warnings: implied M/M, implied F/F, language

* * *

**Chapter 4: In Which Ninjas Descend From The Ceiling and Kuroko Is Not A Comic Relief Character For Real**

(Mikoto)

As if today could not have possibly gotten any more _weird_, someone just had to throw in gun-slinging ninjas.

Mikoto is not a happy camper. Aside from Touma still being kidnapped, Shokuhou spent half the afternoon crying into her shoulder, and to make matters infinitely, unbelievably worse, _Accelerator is trying to steal her man_.

And the ninjas. Right. The ninjas from the ceiling, pointing their stupid guns at her and Shokuhou.

(Well, and at Accelerator too, but that's an afterthought at this point. They can point their guns at him all they want.)

Mikoto sighs. "You gonna fire or what?" she asks.

"Pardon me?" asks one of the ninjas.

"Are you here to kill someone, or are you just gonna wait around and point those at us meaninglessly?"

"Well, we didn't expect to be dealing with three Level Fives," says another ninja.

"Yeah, there ain't supposed to be more than one of ya," adds the first.

"So you _are_ here to shoot people," Accelerator confirms. "So shoot."

"What?"

"Shoot me," he says.

"Yes, please shoot him," Mikoto encourages. "Come on, what are you waiting for?"

"Bitch," Accelerator mutters.

"Creep," Mikoto mutters back.

"He-_llo_?" Shokuhou wails. "I don't know if you've forgotten, but we kind of have a _crisis_ going on!"

"Can't you just mind-control them?" Mikoto suggests.

Shokuhou blushes and sticks her tongue out. "I knew that," she says snootily.

The six men drop their guns. Accelerator immediately picks one up.

"Put that back," Mikoto demands.

"I left mine at home."

"You own a gun?"

"Why shouldn't I?"

"That doesn't matter!" Shokuhou interrupts. "I'm going to hand these six over to you now. But you have to promise me you'll figure out who they work for, and that you'll take them out. My life depends on it!"

"Who cares about your shitty life?" Accelerator says. "You can rest easy knowing I'm gonna put the bastard's head on a pike. But I have my own reasons for doing it, and I can assure you, they are _leagues_ more important than saving your pathetic rear."

"Actually, I'm going to have to second that," Mikoto agrees. "I hate you. But this asshole, whoever he is, has someone I care about, and I'll do whatever it takes to save him."

Accelerator shoots her a glare that could pierce through steel. Mikoto smiles fake-sweetly.

"I'll call Kuroko to get us out of here," Mikoto says. "Shokuhou, could you tell these idiots to meet us at this address in twenty minutes?" She hands Shokuhou a slip of paper with the location written on it.

"Why there?"

"It's out of the way," Accelerator says. "We can interrogate them until they bleed and nobody will even notice."

"Ew."

"You want their fucker of a boss dead, or not?"

Shokuhou sighs. Mikoto texts Kuroko, and within seconds there's a knock on the door. She and Accelerator exit, not talking to each other. Kuroko teleports them straight to the address they intended to interrogate their captives at, kisses Mikoto's hand, and leaves with a coy "I'll be waiting for you, Onee-sama!"

After a brief pause, Accelerator says, "You could have her instead."

"Excuse me?"

"I get Kamijou and you get your teleporter girl. At least she actually likes you."

"What are you implying?"

"That if Kamijou hasn't shown interest by this point, you oughta give up."

"Right back at you." Mikoto sneers. "In any case, how can you just go ahead and assume he'd even like you that way at all? He's not gay!"

"He lives alone with an attractive virgin and hangs out with middle school girls, big-breasted priestesses, nuns and lolis, none of whom he's dating. Sounds gay to me."

"Shut up! He just doesn't want to disappoint the other girls who like him by choosing one over the others!"

"By the way, why did you tell Shokuhou to have those assholes meet us herein twenty minutes? The plan was to have them here immediately. It's not that long a walk."

"Oh, that," Mikoto says. "That's because I wanted to beat you up first."

"Like you ever could," Accelerator says. "Why?"

"I'm going to fight you for the right to date Kamijou Touma!"

Accelerator cracks up. Mikoto wants to kick him in the nuts. It is quite possibly the worst day of her life. She knows that even if she can't save Touma, he'll figure out a way to save himself. Or his weird thug friend and his thug friend's girlfriend will get him out. Or Index and her other nice magic friends will. Even if Mikoto doesn't do it, Touma will be okay.

But what she absolutely cannot abide happening is Accelerator saving him. That's just not gonna work. And she can't abide him taking Touma. She was here first, for god's sake!

(Kuroko would say the same to Touma, is the thing. Kuroko saw her first. Mikoto inwardly berates herself for even thinking that.)

"I'm serious," Mikoto says. "I won't let you win this one."

"Oh, you're serious," says Accelerator. "I'm _real_ scared now."

Mikoto fishes a coin out of her skirt pocket and aims.

"I can guarantee you that's not going to work," Accelerator says, shrugging. "You know, vector reflection. I mean, if you want to electrocute yourself, go ahead. I'm not stopping you."

"Um, excuse me, what are you kids doing out so la- _Accelerator?_"

Mikoto and Accelerator turn around to find Yomikawa Aiho. Anti-skill personnel. She's worked with Saten before, if Mikoto remembers.

"I could ask you that," Accelerator says.

"I'm covering a friend's shift," says Yomikawa. "And you are supposed to be home with Last Order. She's bound to be worried about you!"

"She's got Worst to take care of her," Accelerator says.

"Um, excuse me," Mikoto interrupts. "I'm not in any trouble, am I?"

"You're breaking curfew," says Yomikawa, "so, yes."

Mikoto nods and Yomikawa starts scolding Accelerator for something. Surreptitiously, Mikoto slips her phone out of her pocket and sends a quick text to Kuroko, who pops out of the air moments later, tosses her a wink, and then spirits her away to the rooftop across the street.

"Onee-sama," Kuroko chides, leaning over the edge of the roof to watch Accelerator trying very hard not to pitch a fit, "would you care to enlighten me on your predicament, or am I going to have to coerce it out of you?"

"Just Level Five bullshit," Mikoto insists, "I told you earlier, with Shokuhou, didn't I?"

"It concerns _him_," Kuroko notes.

"Who, that asshole?" Mikoto points off the roof at Accelerator, who is unhappily getting into Yomikawa's car. Mikoto silently prays that he's getting arrested.

"No, _him,_" Kuroko repeats. "That foul boy with the spiky hair and the atrocious misfortune."

"Oh."

Mikoto sits down on the roof with her back to Kuroko. She drags her knees up to her chest and sighs. "Kuroko, sometimes I really wish I could talk to you about stuff like this," she says.

"Onee-sama can confide in me," Kuroko says, sitting down next to Mikoto.

"Not about _him_. You get all jealous and creepy."

Kuroko pouts and crosses her arms. Mikoto debates talking about Touma anyway, to maybe hammer in the point that she's straight a few more times, but decides against it because most of the time, Kuroko's all she's got. Her ace in the hole to get her out of bad spots. Her unflinching backup to any situation. Always on call. Always reliable. No matter what.

"Kuroko," Mikoto asks, thinking of Touma and her, and Touma and Accelerator, and fifty-fifty chances, "How much does it hurt when you like a person but they like someone else instead?"

Kuroko smiles, a serious sad smile, and she looks down with her hands in her lap and she says, tightly, "It hurts a lot."

...

Mikoto wakes up the next morning and almost doesn't have it in her to kick Kuroko out of her bed. She's exhausted anyway from returning to the empty parking lot after the Anti-Skill woman had left and interrogating the mooks, and honestly, it's winter and the heater in their room could work about twice as well and still need to be cleaned out. But with a new outlook and opinion on unrequited love, Mikoto decides it's even crueler to get Kuroko's hopes up and calmly rolls her off the side of the bed and onto the floor with a resounding _thud_.

Mikoto supposes she ought to inform Accelerator about what she discovered last night from the interrogation. She feels like they've come so far already that he deserves the knowledge, and withholding it from him is just going to make him annoyed with her. She realizes this, understands it, and decides it can wait a while because in all honesty, Accelerator can be as pissed with her as he wants to be. She's pissed with him. Rather, she's jealous. Like she'd ever admit that, even to herself. She identifies with Kuroko on more than just Tokiwadai woes for once; she understands what it feels like to love someone who doesn't love you b-

_You don't know that_. Mikoto gets out of bed and speedwalks to the shower. _You don't know that he doesn't like you too_. She turns on the water and strips down (locks the door, doesn't matter, Kuroko teleports) and steps into the spray. It's freezing. _You don't know that he doesn't like you. _She lets the cold wake her up. _For all you know, he might be just as nervous about telling you as you are about telling him_.

_ Or he could think exactly that about Accelerator too._

Sparks fly without Mikoto's consent, and she bites her lip to hold them in. No need to electrocute everyone trying to brush their teeth this morning. She takes a deep breath, unclenches her fists –when did they clench, anyway? –and takes a deep breath again.

Mikoto sits down on the floor of the shower. For lack of a convenient waterfall to meditate under, this will just have to do. She needs to calm herself down. She isn't in Touma's head. She doesn't know what he thinks of her.

_But you'd think there'd be _some_ kind of indication he liked me by this point_.

Mikoto bites her lip, pulls her knees up to her chest and digs her fingernails into the skin of her thighs. She breathes in, and tries not to cry.

* * *

I feel like, at the end of this fanfic, I should post a tally of how many reviews I got lobbying for each pairing. Do a poll or something, because people are offering up their (often not exactly polite) opinions even when I don't ask for them and I really did not ask for them and I guess what I'm trying to say is that's cool and all but please try to be polite. I'm the author, I'm going to write the story the way I want to, and if that means there's going to be some element of slash/yaoi in it, then that's that. Do not plead with me in an attempt to make me redact my decisions about what the endgame pairing is going to be, because _that's not the point_. The point of this story isn't the pairing.** The point is to write about Accelerator and Mikoto becoming bros over mutual similarities and sources of angst. The ship comes after the plot. **

Shocking.

I'll try and have the next chapter out in a couple weeks, but don't hold your breath.

Review if you like.


	6. Chapter 5

I'm so sorry  
I have no excuse for the huge wait for this chapter other than I jumped fandoms like eight times before coming back because Railgun S is airing now and I'm having a lot of feelings about stupid esper kids

ok that's enough bad excuses chapter 5 let's go let's get this show on the road

* * *

**Chapter 5: In Which Accelerator Has A Genuinely Disgusting Day And It Is Probably Not Misaka's Fault At All But He's Blaming Her Anyway**

(Accelerator)

The morning after Yomikawa accidentally foils his interrogation, Accelerator is awakened by his phone ringing in three angry texts from Misaka Mikoto. It's already almost noon, so he figures he ought to be up by now anyway, and he peruses the texts. What he's able to gather is this: post-Yomikawa, Misaka returned to interrogate the goons; the person who had Kamijou kidnapped did it to get Accelerator and Misaka's attention; and the piece de resistance: the person who kidnapped him is the 6th strongest Level Five.

Accelerator thinks this is probably a load of bullshit, and goes to eat breakfast.

Lunch. It's lunchtime by this point.

Accelerator reconsiders the texts over canned coffee and a convenience store sandwich. Clearly, the part about wanting his and Misaka Mikoto's attention is true, because that is exactly what happened. The problem with it is _how_. It implies that the culprit is aware of the fact that Kamijou Touma means something significant to both of them. It implies that the culprit either _knows_ both himself and Misaka, or knows something _about_ them, and wants something _from_ them.

The part he can't believe is the 6th strongest Level Five part. That sounds like bullshit on a shish kebab, if he's being perfectly frank. The 6th is elusive, and Accelerator's never met them, whoever they are. He's at least run into all five of the others; he fought Kakine and Misaka; he's now visited Shokuhou's bedroom, for god's sake; he's at least spoken to Mugino a few times; and Sogiita Gunha tried to fight him once out of sheer boredom and that ended quite badly for both Accelerator, Gunha, two pedestrians, four lampposts, and a public park in its entirety.

Accelerator hasn't so much as heard the 6th's name, and that's what makes it implausible that the culprit is them. Whoever they are.

So he texts Misaka Mikoto: **Go dig up whatever info you can on #6, **leaves Last Order in Worst's care with a threat of death if he comes back to find out she's so much as frowned in his absence, and sets off to go beat some information out of whoever he can.

...

Target number one is Tsuchimikado Motoharu; he knows more than the rest of GROUP about the city, and he knows more about the city than pretty much all the people living in it. As a double-agent for the magic side acting as a double-agent for the science side of the battle, it's essentially his job to know everything.

The problem is that Tsuchimikado is also very, very stupid sometimes.

Accelerator calls him up, and they meet at a nondescript café in a quieter neighborhood. The café's normal patrons eye them suspiciously, and Accelerator flips some of them the bird as he and Tsuchimikado sit down at the table in the back.

Accelerator explains, "This, first of all, has jack shit to do with Kamijou, so cool your jets."

"Gotcha."

"I need you to tell me anything you can about the 6th Level Five."

"Why d'you want me to tell you 'bout her?"

_Mental note: #6 is female_.

"Because as the strongest, it's my business. I've been hearing rumors."

"What rumors?"

"You've probably been hearing them too," Accelerator bluffs, feigning annoyance. "Same stupid stuff. I don't believe it."

"What, the stuff about her and the system scan?" Tsuchimikado says.

"Yeah," Accelerator says (_mental note: what about her and the system scan?_) and shrugs. "Seems weird to me."

"Seems weird to everyone," Tsuchimikado says. "It's probably fake, some kind of urban legend kinda thing. Seven mysteries of Academy City sorta bullshit."

"Where'd you hear the rumor in the first place?" Accelerator asks. "Doubt it's the same place I got it."

"Oh, from her classmates," Tsuchimikado says. "Other Nagatenjouki kids."

_Mental note: Nagetenjouki student; high schooler_.

"Huh," says Accelerator. "Maybe the punks were from there. Don't remember." He gets up to leave. Luckily, thanks to GROUP, he's technically enrolled at Nagatenjouki. He can get in with no hassle, so long as he can get his hands on a uniform.

"You ain't even gonna say goodbye?" Tsuchimikado jokes after him as he leaves.

Accelerator doesn't even turn around.

...

He gets a Nagatenjouki uniform with hardly any difficulty (sneaking into the school, breaking into the storage room and stealing one). That said, it's still a private school and he still can't just traipse around unnoticed.

Good thing he doesn't want to fucking traipse around unnoticed. The uniform is just to keep the teachers out of his hair. He nabs the first kid he sees walking by himself and drags him by the sleeve into an empty hallway.

"The 6th strongest Level Five is a student here, right?" he demands.

"Uh."

"I feel like this oughta be common fucking knowledge. Misaka Mikoto's entire damn school doesn't just know she's there, the practically worship her. Shokuhou too. So you _must_ be aware if you've got a Level Five esper at your school, right?" Accelerator says.

"Maybe?" says the kid. "I mean, I hear the rumors but…"

"Rumors?"

"That she exists," says the kid, and Accelerator gives the fuck up and goes to find someone else.

Twelve unsuspecting interrogation subjects later, and this is what Accelerator's learned about the 6th strongest Level Five:

She may or may not exist. She may or may not be a ghost. She may or may not have dropped out of Nagatenjouki a year ago. She could possibly be smart enough to be doing an independent study, which would explain why she's never in any classes. She may or may not be invisible, but Accelerator doubts Academy City would've poured all their resources into making an invisible kid into a Level Five. That's a waste of resources and compared to the other Level Fives, not nearly as destructive or horrifying enough to warrant Academy City's attention.

The 6th may or may not be a hikikomori, an otaku who never leaves her room and draws doujin all day, a vampire, dead, on a foreign exchange in America, in a situation similar to Accelerator and Musujime wherein she's simply enrolled legally in the school but actually does some kind of nightmare job for the city. She might be nineteen, she might be fourteen, nobody seems to know. Who she is, what kind of esper, not even what she looks like, not so much as her goddamn name.

The system scan rumor, though, Accelerator has heard quite enough of. The rumor is that the 6th Level Five, whoever she actually turns out to be, has been botching the system scan on purpose. That she actually isn't the 6th strongest, but in fact is much stronger and has been purposefully underperforming on the scans to remain out of the public eye. And apparently now she's gearing up to blow the whole city away with her super-oh-so-amazing scores and rocket herself right up to the position of Academy City's number one, stronger than even Accelerator himself.

The kids who told Accelerator this one ran away very, very fast afterwards.

Accelerator, frankly, thinks this sounds like a load of bull. But he has one remaining lead to follow, and that lead is the art room. Apparently the 6th Level Five has some drawings hanging in the art room. Everyone knows they're hers, apparently, so Accelerator goes to the art room and gets the first kid he sees to show him which ones they are.

The drawings look like someone chewed up a box of markers and spit them back out all over the paper. Accelerator doesn't understand how this is even considered art. It looks like someone blew up a rainbow.

He plucks the closest one to him off the wall and flips it over in search of a signature.

In messy handwriting, on the back, it reads _Kitaba Kurumi._

Accelerator takes the drawing over to the teacher's desk and asks, "Who's Kitaba Kurumi?"

...

"We need to talk," Accelerator says to Misaka over the phone.

"What, did you find something out?" she asks. "Because I've been pretty much busting my butt to hack into the city and find out anything I can about the 6th and all I can get is her school picture and her name."

"I got her name," Accelerator says. "It's Kitaba, right?"

"Right. What did you need to talk about?"

"Can you access her system scan data?"

"I can't. Don't even know what her powers are."

"Me either. And until we do, we're not discussing her over the phone. If you can't get her data, either she's removed it herself or the city's got even stronger firewalls around it, so they've probably tapped this conversation already."

"You're joking."

"Unfortunately, no."

"Is this what you deal with, like, all the time?"

"Yep."

"Gross."

"Meet me where we first met in an hour. You remember where that is, right?"

"How could I ever forget?" Misaka grumbles.

"Good. Bring weapons."

"Excuse me?" says Misaka, but Accelerator hangs up. He's not talking to _her_ for any longer than he absolutely has to.

...

Accelerator waits in the railyard for Misaka to show up. He hopes she gets hit by a bus on her way over or something. He doesn't want to see her, really. Not that he thinks she's much competition, no! Misaka Mikoto's got nothing on him. If Kamijou wanted her, he'd have gone for her already. That's just how things work. Guy likes girl, guy goes after girl, and if she likes him back then they end up like Hamazura and his girlfriend. No, Misaka Mikoto is not a threat. She's annoying. What if Kamijou's just waiting for her to graduate middle school so it's not creepy anymore, or something? What if he can't see through the tsun and notice the dere? What if he actually doesn't notice that Misaka Mikoto likes him and has been putting off asking her out because-

Okay, maybe she's a little bit of a threat.

_But not much_.

And Accelerator's gonna be damned if he lets her save him. No. That's for him to do. He and Misaka will find the 6th, and while Misaka's busy fighting her, Accelerator will rescue Kamijou. White knight in shining fucking armor, or whatever. He'll save his hero. As best as a villain possibly can, he'll save Kamijou Touma. He owes him that much, at the very, very least.

(What he's really worried about, deep in the back part of his mind that he never lets see the light of day, he is afraid to be hated for this. He's fine with being feared as the strongest, in fact he prefers that. If people are scared of him because of what he's done, that's all the better. They won't get hurt by being near him. If they hate him because he's done horrible things, that's just fine. But he doesn't think he could take it if Kamijou hated him for… for the whole… y'know, the whole crush-on-Kamijou thing. The gay thing. He doesn't mind being hated for what he's done; he probably deserves that. But if he's hated for something he can't even control –because who can control who they like? –he doesn't think he could actually handle that. And it scares him.)

(A lot.)

Misaka shows up, with a bag of coins. Accelerator supposes these are supposed to pass as weapons and shrugs. He's got two handguns and a taser in his jacket. He feels prepared. Frankly, if they're dealing with the 6th, she's probably not going to be too difficult for the pair of them to take down.

Presuming, that is, that her rumors aren't true.

Accelerator explains the system scan rumors to Misaka, who listens to the story the entire way through before cracking the fuck up.

"That's actually ridiculous," Misaka laughs. "Why would anyone _want_ to botch the system scan? Why would you _want_ people to think you weren't as powerful as you actually are?" Accelerator shrugs. "Moreover," she says, breathing deep to stop the giggles, "You'd have to have _hella_ good control to actually fake out the system scan. I mean, I don't know if I could do it."

"That's because you have no finesse," Accelerator says. "I could, if I wanted."

"Well, you're a freak," Misaka says bluntly. Accelerator considers emptying a round or two into her face, and then realizes she'll just electromagnetically stop the bullets. And it's just not worth it to waste good bullets simply for stress relief.

Woe is Accelerator.

"So where are we even gonna find this Kitaba Kurumi girl anyway?" Misaka asks. She shifts around uncomfortably. It occurs to Accelerator that meeting up at the location where she witnessed him brutally murder a carbon copy of her probably wasn't the most polite thing he could've done, and he brushes it off because he's still not happy about the competition. _Not,_ he reminds himself, _that she's a threat_.

_Because she's not_.

"You got access to her school files, right?" Misaka nods and pulls them up on her cell phone. "Show me a pic of her."

"Here." Misaka hands him her phone, and he peruses her profile.

Kitaba Kurumi. Age eighteen. She looks like an average, nondescript girl in a Nagatenjouki uniform. Short black hair, light eyes. She even looks sort of happy. Average grades, average everything. Her system scan scores have been at the exact same number for the past three years, and that's only suspicious in that they've been literally the exact same number on the scale, without even a decimal's variation. Accelerator could've passed this kid on the streets and not even given her a second thought. Kitaba Kurumi is a perfectly normal girl.

"I asked Kuroko to use her Judgment resources to find her, but so far no dice," Misaka explains, taking her phone back.

"Can you get Shokuhou to do some sort of… I don't know, some kind of mind-sweep of the city to look for her?"

"Do you think Shokuhou Misaki and I are like, butt-buddies or something?" Misaka scoffs.

"_Butt-buddies?"_

"As if. I kind of hate her, actually. She freaks me out."

"Great, that makes two of us."

"Ew, did we just agree on something?"

"Fuck, we did. Let's not keep it up."

"Agreed."

"Don't do that."

"Do you think," Misaka asks, "that she's actually messing up the system scan and she's actually stronger than 6th?" She plays absentmindedly with the hem of her skirt. She's nervous, being around him, Accelerator notices.

"Maybe. If she's really stronger than 6th she's certainly capable of it. I'd have to know what her powers are first though. It's not listed on her profile, which is strange." Accelerator sits down on the wheel of a toppled train car. "For a Level Five, there's a surprising lack of information on her. I didn't even know her name until today, and I make it a point to at least know the names of anyone who's a potential threat to my existence."

"I don't know anything about her either," says Misaka, sitting down on the front wheel of the same car, fifteen feet away. "Why does she want _us_?"

"Hell if I know. Power crazy, maybe."

"If she was power crazy, why would she be pretending she was weaker?"  
"Good point."

"This is frustrating."

"No shit."

At that moment, Misaka's phone ribbits. Accelerator side-eyes her as she gets up and answers it ("Hello? Oh, Kuroko. Hang on"), wandering off a few feet to chat in slightly more private circumstances. She returns a few minutes later, tucking her phone back into her pocket, and says, "Kuroko has a lead for us."

"On Kitaba?"

"No, on the Queen of England," Misaka snaps. "_Of course_, on Kitaba!"

"Great, let's get moving. Where is she?"

"Where _might_ she be, you mean," Misaka says. "Follow me."

...

"This is a love hotel," Accelerator spits. "What the flying fuck are we doing at a love hotel."

And indeed they are. Academy City may well be 80% students, but a fair amount of those students are legally of age, and certainly some of them are college students, and then there's the other 20%. It stands to reason that even Academy City has a red light district, although this is the first time Accelerator's set foot within it. The fact of the matter is that he didn't know it was here. It hadn't even occurred to him. And yet, here he stands, with the towering neon atrocity of the _Sweet Darling Hotel_ looming over him, in all five floors of its terrifying closed-curtains glory. The bricks have been painted pink, the windows all have velvety fabric drawn across them on the inside. The doormat reads _Welcum_.

Accelerator thinks he might scream.

"Apparently she was last seen going in here," Misaka explains. She's gone completely rigid, and is fiddling with a coin from her railgun-firing stash. She is looking everywhere except at Accelerator, and judging by the stores on the rest of the street, probably getting an eyeful for it. Accelerator had taken one look in the window of the shop next door and decided there were some things he could go through life never, ever knowing about and be easily ten times more comfortable with the universe.

"Great. Are we going to stand here all night and wait for her to come back out?" Accelerator says. He would rather not spend all night standing across the street from the Sweet Darling Hotel. He would rather be in literally any other part of the city. He would rather be locked in a single-stall public bathroom with Tsuchimikado.

"No, we're going in," Misaka says, shakingly.

"What."

"We're gonna go in and get her."

Accelerator's jaw drops. They're going _in_. To the love hotel? He is going to have to go into a _love hotel_ with _Misaka Mikoto_? God forbid they even let them in, for Christ's sake, they're fourteen and sixteen years old- _A love hotel with Misaka Mikoto are you fuckin' joking?_

Eventually, after a long moment of spluttering, Accelerator finally says, "And what, just… interrupt her in the middle of… whatever it is she's getting up to in there and drag her out naked?"

"I suppose I forgot to mention she was seen going in alone," Misaka says, and Accelerator visibly deflates in relief. But only a little.

"Why would you go to a love hotel by yourself?"

"Maybe she's meeting someone?" Misaka wonders. "In any case, if we don't hurry, she's gonna leave or something."

"I'd like to leave," Accelerator mutters under his breath. "How are we sneaking in?"

"Front door," says Misaka.

"What," says Accelerator. She grabs him by the sleeve and looks him dead in the eye.

"Just so you know," she says, "I hate you, I do not want to do this, and I am going to punch you in the throat when we're finished, okay?"

"What," repeats Accelerator, anger beginning to bubble in the back of his mind.

Misaka drags him across the street and through the door of the love hotel. Accelerator suddenly feels a great amount of empathy for cats getting dropped in buckets of water, or men in the makeup department with their wives. He watches the door close behind them and he wonders if it hurts to die of shame.

"One room, please," Misaka grits out, still clutching angrily to Accelerator's jacket sleeve, and Accelerator decides that yes, indeed it does hurt to die of shame. It hurts a lot, and Misaka Mikoto is going to feel this hurt tenfold as soon as they're out of sight of someone who could report him to Anti-Skill.

The next two minutes happen in a blur of dim lighting, pink carpets, atrocious wallpaper, and badly soundproofed walls. At the end of what Accelerator does his best to block out entirely, he and Misaka are handed a key and shunted into a grossly cushy pink room, and the door is shut behind them.

Accelerator, still somewhat in shock, sits down on the bed and tries very hard not to activate his choker and raze the entire neighborhood to the ground.

Misaka walks right up to him and, true to her word, punches him in the throat.

After a bout of coughing, and once he's gotten over the intense dismay due to being in a love hotel with Misaka Mikoto, Accelerator says "So what the fuck actually is the plan, genius?"

"We're going to knock on all the doors pretending to be the staff, and ask if Kitaba Kurumi is there, because her time's expired and she needs to pay more or we'll kick her out of the hotel."

"You're fucking joking."

"It's the best I could come up with on the spot."

"You're an _idiot_."

"Okay," Misaka snaps, "You come up with something better, lover boy."

"If you call me that again I'll cry."

"That's actually an incentive," says Misaka.

"Last time I cried, they were tears of blood," Accelerator explains. "And it was horrible for everyone involved."

"Ew."

"Yeah."

"Have you come up with a better plan?"

"No."

"Great. Get up, we're going soliciting."

* * *

So I guess it goes without saying that there's gonna be an OC in the next chapter. I'm trying very hard to make her reasonable, at least minorly likeable, and non-canon-intrusive. She is not shipped with anyone. I am not pairing her with any canon characters. She exists as the antagonist of this story and as far as I'm concerned, that's all she needs to be.

Anyway. I'm probably gonna cross-post this story onto Archive of our Own at some point in the next few weeks, so if y'all see it show up there then know it's me doing it and it's supposed to be there.

Reviews are fed into the quantum transducer and used to generate plot devices.


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